Songs of Spiral Staircases

o__0

mandragorascream — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:54:56 +0000

My ex-boyfriend really creeps me out.
It’s not just one thing either, it’s a whole mess of things that I simply don’t agree with.
For starters, that kid should not be allowed to have a web cam. Use your imagination.
Secondly, it has been brought to my attention that he occasionally writes about me in his MySpace blogs. We’ve been broken up for over a year. It’s fucking ridiculous. He also seems to think that I was madly in love with him or something and that he made a huge impact on me. o__0

Now, all in all, that doesn’t sound too bad, does it? It gets worse. I am not even going to talk about it. ~_~

My cat just took a shit and it smells really bad.

How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox Twenty

mandragorascream — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 07:59:33 +0000

I’m waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But it’s feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it’s gone,
The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour if that
And I started staring at the passengers who’re waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

chorus:
But I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Well I believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we’re gonna pretend,
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come

I think it turned ten o’clock but I don’t really know
Then I can’t remember caring for an hour or so
Started crying and I couldn’t stop myself
I started running but there’s no where to run to
I sat down on the street and took a look at myself
Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
Say your goodbyes if you’ve got someone you can say goodbye to

I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come

Well I believe it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we’re gonna pretend,
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come

It’s gone gone baby its all gone
There is no one on the corner and there’s no one at home
It was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it’s over for me and it’s over for you
Well it’s gone gone baby its all gone
There is no one on the corner and there’s no one at home
Well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it’s over for me and it’s over for you

But I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well i guess we’re gonna find out
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Well I believe it all is coming to an end
Ih well, I guess, we’re gonna pretend,
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come

This goes right up there with Search & Destroy by Iggy Pop and the Stooges. It’s another anthem.

I am the biggest moron ever.

mandragorascream — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 07:20:00 +0000

I have no life. I have been playing neopets for three consecutive hours. I have driving school at eight fucking in the morning. I ruined by boyfriend’s birthday party. I can scream like a banshee and turn a shade of unattractive Pepto Bismol pink at the same time.

God, I fucking hate myself sometimes.

Things That are Currently Wrong with My Life (The List!)
1.) For some reason, I thought it would be a great idea to take college classes whilst still in high school. What I didn’t bargain on was failing the COMPASS math test with a 36. They think I ought to repeat Algebra I. They didn’t even have any algebra 1 on the test. It was all bullshit with radicals in fractions. ~_~

2.) I am an asshole who deserves to be strung and quartered.

3.) I waste my life on a computer game.

4.) My cat might have to be put down. That means losing two pets in one summer. I really don’t want to have to deal with that.

5.) I’m really worried about my friend’s dog. I think her family abuses it.

6.) I’m a fucking coward and I know it.

7.) I am naturally inclined to hate her. I don’t like to be treated as if I am doing something wrong because of my age.

8.) I have no fucking future, and God, does that scare the hell out of me.

9.) I am a crap girlfriend.

10.) I don’t like the fact I am using Safari, but it is faster than Firefox on my computer. I hate Apple so much.

11.) I’m afraid of moving out and I don’t want any more responsibilities.

12.) It is 3:13 AM and I am writing this list that absolutely no one cares about.

13.) !!!!!

14.) My family is so poor we might not be able to eat. Everything is strictly budgeted.

I don’t even want to finish it.

Starvation Vacation

mandragorascream — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:08:26 +0000

I went on a retreat. :O
I kind of have really mixed feelings about it. I had a great time getting to know people better, but on the other hand, I was starving the whole time. I seriously did not get enough to eat. In addition, I certainly do not enjoy being treated as if I am beneath people who are only a few years older than me. I do not need a babysitter, nor am I emotionally insensitive. It bothers me when they act as if I possess absolutely no feelings whatsoever and deserve to be treated like a child.

*sighs* I suppose I just ought to let it go.

There was also quite a lot of fighting going on between girls, but I believe they have worked things out for now. ~_~

P.S. Tegan and Sarah sound like fucking munchkins.

The end.

Things that make me smell like marijuana

mandragorascream — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 05:55:32 +0000

I do not smoke marijuana, however, certain things make me smell like I do.

1.) Softsoap regular and aloe vera handsoaps
2.) Deodorant that is floral scented.
3.) Wild Freesia anything

Right now, my hands smell like pot. ~_~

Crammed.

mandragorascream — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:09:10 +0000

I feel ridiculously pressured at the moment. I am so sick of feeling like I must be politically correct around certain people. Some of my more, um, people pleasing (for lack of a better description) friends are stuck so far up their own asses and so worried about offending others, I pretty much have to add, “Not that being ________ is wrong or anything,” to the end of every sentence. We could be talking about fucking pizza or something and then I still feel like it is expected!

I really don’t care if someone is gay/black/white/whatever.
If someone happens to fit into one of those categories and they’re being a jackass, I’m still going to call them a douche. It has absolutely nothing to do with racism or anything. Doing the exact opposite is the racist thing.

God, it’s 12:55 P.M. I have had five hours of sleep and I’m really tired and feeling kind of pukey. I stayed up watching Futurama because I thought I was going to puke and I am still haunted by the Taco Bell story. This guy I know ate it, got food poisoning, and almost drowned in his own vomit. That’s pretty gross.

Anyway, on another side note, I literally almost threw up when I was idly checking my MySpace (waiting for my Adver-Videos to finish). I swear, I am going to thank God every day that I am no longer dating the astonishingly perverted caveman. I know it’s stupid, but I saw some pictures of APC and read some shit in a quiz or whatever and nearly choked.

Actually, MySpace in general makes me feel a little nauseated. I’d delete mine, but it’s the only way I can contact the people who never answer their phones. ~_~ Additionally, I feel that MySpace is affecting the way I relate to people. Now I can just send them a message instead of confronting my fear of talking on the phone. I feel myself getting a little less relational every time I use it.

I’m teaching on Sunday. I am supposed to go over my teaching tonight with Michele, but I feel sick and it isn’t finished yet.

Oh well, I’m back off to Neopets.

(Click to join!)

Untitled

mandragorascream — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:38:15 +0000

I think you get it.

1. Gypsy Rose Lee – The Distillers
2. Weigh on My Mind – The Transplants
3. Mad Season – Matchbox Twenty
4. Dear Lover – Social Distortion
5. Fiction – Kids in the Way
6. Paper Thin Hymn – Anberlin
7. I’m Just Going to Leave – Defiance, Ohio
8. Up All Night – Suburban Legends
9. Something in the World Today – Rancid
10. Same Old Street – Frontkick
11. Anxious and Worrying – Defiance, Ohio
12. Ain’t It Fun – The Dead Boys
13. Love Kills – Circle Jerks
14. Search & Destroy – Iggy Pop and the Stooges
15. Bastard in Love – Black Flag
16. Breakfast at Tiffany’s – Deep Blue Something
17. Walking Downtown – Copeland
18. Everything Girl – Mustard Plug

Middle Class America

mandragorascream — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 21:28:05 +0000

Middle class America
Doesn’t know what it’s like
They envy the rich
So they’re gonna help us strike

Liberal and accepting
Unless someone disagrees
We all know you’re full of shit
With your Ipods and MP3s

Middle class teenagers
Pretending they’re in pain
Milking petty struggles until
There’s nothing left to gain

Middle class America
Caught helplessly in-between
Their parents have left them
To life on the television screen

Note:
I wrote this around the beginning of summer, when I was extremely angry. My family was/is having a lot of money issues and after a while, it became really hard to hear, “Well, you should just be grateful you’re not homeless,” or “Shut up, God gave you a great life.” All of it was coming from friends that are in the middle to upper class range and have been living comfortably all of their lives. It’s so easy for someone who never has to worry about going hungry or bumming food off of friends to say, “Money doesn’t matter.” No, money does matter. Money is the difference between living on the streets and going hungry or having a roof over your head. I am not saying that money brings happiness, but it certainly helps make basic necessities a little less complicated.

I am grateful though. I know things can be a whole lot worse. I’ve been blessed with a decent family and all of my limbs are intact.

I am serious.

That would suck.

Additionally, I am not blissfully unaware of the shit other people have to endure. A lot of people have problems worse than mine, but that does not make mine any less valid to me.

Fuck it, I’m getting all PC and self-conscious.
I need a soda.